A thing happened yesterday.
I was sitting at church, listening to our Pastor talk when he stopped to show a video clip from “Moms’ Night Out,” which was a movie I had heard about but never gotten around to watching.
Life has a funny way of putting you exactly where you need to be. Sometimes it’s so you can hear something that you needed to or to see something you should have. For me, life put me in church on Sunday so I could see this clip and so maybe I would actually hear the words that were being said.
You can find the entire clip here. But in it, Allyson (Sarah Drew) is beating herself up and calling herself a failure. “I have failed again. That’s all I do. I can’t. I can’t get in front of it. No matter how hard I try, how much I give…I’m not enough.”
The big bad biker dude Bones (aka Trace Adkins) comes out of nowhere with the win in the scene. “For who? Not enough for who? Not enough for you.” And goes on to say “Y’all spend so much time beating yourselves up…must be exhausting. Let me tell you something girl. I doubt the good Lord made a mistake giving your kiddos the momma he did. So you just be you. He’ll take care of the rest.”
The thing is, I am Allyson. I may not say the words out loud every day, but I do think them. I’m not enough. Not enough for my kids, for my husband, my friends, or my family. But that’s not even close to the truth. The truth is much deeper and harder to say.
Because the truth is…I’m not enough for me.
My kids, my husband, friends, and family all love me as I am. When I fail, when I’m wrong, and even when I’m not the nicest person….they all love me. I am enough for each and every one of them.
I’m not enough for me.
Every day I judge myself against others. Comparing every aspect of my life to the lives of others. The lives that everyone shows on social media. The highlight reel…And that’s just it isn’t it…we are all constantly judging ourselves and comparing ourselves to others believing they have it all, they have the perfect life. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. We are who we are and some of us are in a hard part of life and things will get better. But you have to go through those hard times to get to the other side. To learn about yourselves and know you are strong. You are enough.
Sitting at church yesterday I made a decision. I decided I’m done with comparisons, done with beating myself up, and done with judging myself against unrealistic standards. From here on out, I am enough. I am enough because for the first time in a long time, I believe I am.